This baby is quite possibly the happiest baby you have ever seen. He will greet you with a giant smile, every single time. He is a joy. He is rambunctious. He bangs on things. He rolls ... everywhere. Around our whole house. He babbles at us and does funny little tricks. He has four teeth. He gives slobbery kisses and says 'dada' and 'this' and 'that' and does baby-sign. Sometimes he's up late at night but I know those rough patches will pass. He smells so good. He is a super snuggler and will lean in and snuggle himself into my face or shoulder. I think you would call it 'nuzzling.' He nuzzles. And when he does that I hold him close and enjoy it. I try to preserve every single precious second into my brain. (Don't we all do that?) He is the sweetest thing. And today, he is one year old. Oh, my little baby, do not rush through this life. I'm being totally selfish here, but just hold on.
Having a baby one day and a one-year-old the next is a funny thing. It's a wonderfully fun and happy time, but totally bittersweet. It makes me think of a letter I read by Jill Krause (that she wrote to her future self.) It sums up motherhood and the passing of time beautifully.
"Even though you were tired and challenged, exasperated and overwhelmed, you knew then that you would miss these days... most of them, at least. It was a truth that was hard to live with, and most of the time you ignored it because there was nothing you could do about the passing of time. If you spent your days mourning the ones that had gone by, you'd miss out on the days you were living in.
You knew you were on a light rail, moving at speeds you couldn't comprehend. You had no control over the ride that brought you to where you are today, but believe me when I say you searched so very hard to find the emergency brake.
Please know, please remember that you tried to savor that time. Be at peace, knowing you spent late afternoons curled up with them on the couch, that sometimes you just sat and watched them move and run, that occasionally you took inventory of all the things they'd learned in the last week, and that you appreciated your time with them the best you knew how. Know that despite your very best efforts, there was no way to freeze time.
I promise you, you tried."
Yup. I'm on a light rail that's moving at speeds I can't comprehend. But I'm content knowing that I've been as present as I could be with this little one ... I've watched him and observed him and marveled at him and loved him. Every minute that was humanly possible.
Happy birthday to my boy. And happy birthday to the other moms out there. Is your baby turning one, too? You made it. Congratulations. That first year is a big one and you did it. Happy birthday to your little one ... happy birthday to you, too.
xo.