36 weeks. I have developed a serious waddle. People have commented on it. My hips and pelvis are under some major pressure. I had yet another ultrasound today and things are looking good. This little dude is no longer breech and my fingers are crossed that he'll stay that way. I'm a couple of centimeters dilated/70% effaced (sorry, TMI?) and well on my way. At least all of the contractions I've been having are doing some decent work. It's all about getting through it, now. You know ... survival mode.
But yet, I've been reminding myself to take a step back from whining about contractions or feeling exhausted. Just to make sure I'm taking the time to remember this experience. To internalize and process how incredibly cool it all is. To get the chance to be a mom. To carry a tiny fetus and allow it to grow for almost a year inside of your belly and become your newest, tiniest family member. Someone you've never met, a face you've never seen. But a little person you already love so much.
I remember telling Bo not long after Lo was born that, God willing, I wanted to try to do the pregnancy thing one more time. I wanted to feel that baby wriggling inside my ribcage and do it all again, just once more. Of course, we were lucky to get pregnant the first time, let alone a second time – you can't choose or plan these things. But I felt I hadn't said 'goodbye' to child-bearing when I was preggo with Lo, and that has been in my head off and on for the past nine months. This is it, the big goodbye, and I won't be doing this again. It's almost over and I feel like I need to prepare myself for that. That probably sounds really weird and maybe you think I'm off my rocker, but I do believe women kind of go through an acceptance thing when their childbearing days are over and you move on to raise your family. You have to sort of say goodbye to the baby-making. I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed and thankful that I get to do this. Every single day. I know that it's not an easy road for everyone. I don't take it for granted. I'm so happy to have made it this far. And I'm so excited for what's ahead.